In the complex dance of human relationships, the bright colors of cultural differences often spark and magnify conflicts. It is not uncommon for distinct cultural shades to be at the heart of misunderstandings and disagreements. Stepping into the role of a multicultural mediator is like looking through multiple lenses, where each one reveals a new pattern of understanding -even if facts remain unchanged. In a mediation that involves cultural conflict, the mediator must attempt to see things from different angles and expand her own personal perspectives. Embracing this kaleidoscopic view can transform a jumble of cultural clashes into a beautiful mosaic of mutual understanding and respect.
I am a Mexican bilingual attorney. I grew up in Mexico City. I am an avid world traveler. Also, I’ve been living in the US for the past 20 years, but my roots are Jewish with a touch of European influence. This cultural cocktail has given me unique insights, especially when it comes to identifying and solving conflicts that involve differences in culture.
From the spicy flavors in our food to the mix of languages spoken around the dinner table, every bit of our cultural identity has shaped me. It’s not just about what we eat or how we talk, though. Cultural identity is also reflected in the roles we play within our families, in our financial expectations, and sometimes even in the gender-specific responsibilities we take on. All these cultural quirks bring richness but may also bring misunderstandings.
Both in my professional and my personal journey I’ve come to realize that our culture is like a secret ingredient in how we respond to things – the good, the bad, and the ugly. Viktor Frankl hit the nail on the head when he said, “Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space lies our response. In that response lies our growth and our freedom.” In that precious space, our cultural background plays an undeniable role in shaping our reactions, our conflicts, and how we resolve them.
I met Sofia (Spanish Mother) and David (American Father) who had a disagreement over where their child should be raised following their separation. Sofia wished to return to Spain with the child, while David wanted the child to remain in the United States. Sofia’s perspective was influenced by the close-knit family structure common in Spain, where extended family plays a significant role in upbringing. She believed that having a child feel loved, supported and accepted by a large network of family members fosters a strong sense of security and self-worth. She also believed that sharing cultural traditions, language and values provided children with a strong sense of identity and belonging. Sofia thought moving to Spain and being close to family and culture would be the most important factor in her child’s development.
On the other hand, David’s view was shaped by individual achievement and personal growth. He valued the stability and consistency in the child’s education and environment that are so engraved in the American culture. He believed that his child who was a strong student, could go to a good college and move to New York to get a job in Wall Street. He thought that his role as a father would be fulfilled if his son held a job that allows him to have a prosperous life. My background allowed me to understand the different angles culture was playing in this instance. Validating that cultural perspectives played an important role allowed me to guide this couple towards wide variety of options. Both parents were legitimately trying to do what they thought was best for their child.
A local contractor, Jonathan, and his client, Gabriela, a Mexican immigrant, disputed over a kitchen renovation contract written in both English and Spanish. On this case the parties seemed to have had many misunderstandings and unmet expectations in quality standards and scope of work. After a few rounds of open-ended questions and careful reframing the issues, it became apparent that although some of these differences were due to language barriers both parties had set their expectations based on the norms and industry standards used in their respective countries. Jonathan based the project’s timeline on a well-organized progression of tasks, which was faster moving than Gabriela had anticipated. Gabriela was not ready for the disruption in the house and
thought that Jonathan would wait for her to go on vacation to do the most disruptive part of the work. Jonathan was very frustrated. Also, Jonathan wanted Gabriela to make all decisions up front and in writing. Gabriela’s decision making process was vague and she thought it was not a big deal to make changes as worked progressed. Some of the changes Gabriela wanted were changes that would violate local building code and thought that since she was paying she could tell Jonathan how to do things.
As I zigzag through the colorful world of different cultures in my job as a multicultural mediator, I’m always struck by how much our backgrounds shape the way we see things and get along with others. Whether it’s about Sofia and David figuring out parenting across two cultures, Jonathan and Gabriela getting their wires crossed over a kitchen redo, each story shows how diverse our perception of the same fact pattern can be. These stories drive home why it’s key to really get where people are coming from in mediation. It’s like looking through a kaleidoscope – every culture gives you a different angle and adds something to the mix. Albert Einstein said “The mind that opens up to a new idea never returns to its original size”. Dealing with these mixtures of cultures not only shows us where conflicts start, but also how we can solve them. By identifying and respecting these different cultural vibes, we can turn what might be an unresolvable clash into something beautiful and harmonious, like a colorful mosaic that shows off the best of what we all bring to the table.
Yanine Lijtszain-Simpser is a professional mediator. In addition to having extensive experience and training, Yanine is a committed peacemaker, particularly for the underserved. In addition to earning a Masters in Law from Stanford University, Yanine has extensive mediation training that includes a 40-hour Family & Divorce Mediation program with Mosten Guthrie Academy and two Mediation programs at the National Conflict Resolution Center in San Diego NCRC.
Prior to her mediation specialization, Yanine practiced law as an Attorney at White & Case, LLC in Mexico City from 1995 to 1999. She was involved in mergers and acquisitions, the drafting of legal agreements, and managed client relationships. Yanine has called San Diego, CA home for over 20 years. She practices peacemaking with her four children and has been a leader in many community organizations.